How not to come out of the closet.

Some lessons are best learned by experience.

Though this is a lesson most of you probably have no use for, it is something I learned through experience that I felt compelled to share. There is no need to be alarmed, I wasn't the one coming out and that is not anything you have to worry about coming from me anytime soon (unless you tend to be on the receiving end of some of my drunk texts... in which case I sincerely apologize)!

Several years ago I had a friend and coworker who felt the need to share her deepest darkest secret with me. We weren't the very best of friends... I did enjoy working with her and we spent a little bit of time together outside of work, but not enough that I would really consider her close.

But I take secrets very seriously. When someone shares a secret with you, it means they trust you - it's a sure sign that they think of you as a true friend, and I think that's kind of a big deal, so I was quite flattered...

Until she told me her secret, that is.

I was sworn to secrecy and was asked to promise that I wouldn't laugh at her. After I assured her that I would keep her secret safe and would not be judgemental, she finally opened up.

"I think I'm bisexual," She told me awkwardly.
"Oh." I replied, unsure of how to react to the most recent discovery my friend had made about herself.
"Don't worry," She put her hand on my shoulder, "You're really not my type... so don't think I'm going to be hitting on you or anything. You're just a friend."

Whew!

At first I was relieved. I wouldn't have to worry about her looking at my butt when I bent over (which happened often in my job duties) or trying to put any moves on me if we were just hanging out watching movies like we'd done before.

But as time went on, being one of the few to know her secret, I was subject to her rambling on about her crushes or love interests. Time and time again, she would point out a member of our sex that she found attractive, and the only thing running through my mind was her telling me I wasn't her type.

Seriously? She thought that skinny girl with the stringy blonde hair who wore too much eyeshadow was hot, but I wasn't her type? The short gal with the big nose and frighteningly white teeth was pretty, but she didn't like me.

I thought about it quite a bit.

It really wasn't that I wanted her to be attracted to me... I was much more comfortable with our friendship knowing that she wasn't going to be checking out my rack at any chance she got... but at the same time, I was offended.

How dare she not think I was gorgeous?

I'm pretty much over it now.

I don't have any advice on how to come out of the closet... and I don't plan to gain any personal first hand experience in that field. The only thing I can say is just keep your straight friends' feelings in consideration!

"Hey man, I'm gay but I think you're ugly" can and probably will insult your friend. But at the same time, "By the way, I like chicks, and I love your ass in those jeans" is probably going to freak them out a bit. Trust me - the latter would be me when I've had too much to drink!

(Just for the record, this friend of mine is in the open about her sexuality now, and I didn't mention her name, so I really don't consider this blog a breech of trust!)