Monday, November 2, 2009

Two Pounds

According to this website (and multiple other sources) a woman gains two pounds of boob while pregnant.

I will admit that I most certainly have gained some poundage in the chest... though I can't really tell you how much. Honestly, I'm unsure of how anyone would be able to tell you how much boob they gained or did not gain during pregnancy. I certainly didn't weigh my knockers before getting knocked up... And I haven't weighed them after, either.

I have a really bad image in my head of OB/GYN's weighing their patient's breasts on the same type of scale my mother used to use to weigh her food when she was on Weight Watchers. That just can't be accurate.

Now, I was pretty well endowed before I got pregnant, but my mommy mammaries are really on the ridiculous side. If I were to paint each one blue, they would remind me of "Bob" from the movie Monsters VS Aliens.
Bob basically swallows or engulfs anything he comes to contact with. In the movie, he gives another character a hug and nearly suffocates the guy.

Yes, that definitely sounds familiar.

In this tide commercial a pregnant lady is shown eating ice cream, dropping some on her belly multiple times. I don't have this problem. My shirts are all stained on the chest, not the belly.

Actually, the shirts aren't even stained, because my boobs have gotten so big, they stick out the top of all of my shirts. I could wear a button down blouse completely buttoned up, with the collar popped up, and they'd still stick out. I've got cleavage up to my chin.

These girls catch everything. I feel like I am constantly brushing crumbs off my chest We should probably have a garbage disposal installed in our shower, because at the end of the day, I swear I'm washing a 3 course meal out from between and underneath my boobs and right down the drain. Heck, that could be why I haven't gained much weight with this pregnancy - I'm only eating half of my meals - the other half gets lost in my cleavage.

OK, So I'm sure I'm exaggerating just a bit here... but they're definitely massive, and I am constantly brushing crumbs off of them. They are uncomfortable, they get in the way, and are just plain annoying.

I don't even know what "tat" is, but at this point, exchanging my two extra pounds of tit for tat sounds like a pretty good deal.

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