Shit or get off the pot

One of the joys of this pregnancy has been waking up sick to my stomach in the middle of the night. I've had this problem through the whole 9 months, but it's gotten increasingly worse the farther along I get. Right now, I am waking up sick a couple of times a week.

Last night was just one of those nights.

I woke up with heartburn, nausea and a gurgling stomach. Crawling out of bed and waddling to the bathroom started contractions. I was absolutely miserable.

Sitting on the floor, contracting, there was one question I had on my mind... and no, it wasn't "Should I go to the hospital?"

The question was "Do I shit or get off the pot (so I can throw up in it)?" I knew I was going to be sick, I just didn't know which end it was coming from first. I'm sure this sounds strange, but in all my misery, that well-known phrase made the wheels start turning in my head... And now that I'm feeling better, I feel compelled to write about it.

For the record, I ended up grabbing the empty mop bucket. I decided there was no way I was going to put my face close enough to the toilet to not miss.

So, shit or get off the pot. My question for today - WHY do boys take so long to poop? I'm pretty sure we've come to the conclusion that bathrooms, or toilets specifically, are disgusting.. So why is it that guys dawdle around in there? If it takes you 30 minutes to poop, maybe you just didn't have to go yet.

My dad takes a really long time to poop. If you see him headed towards the bathroom with an Ayn Rand book in hand, you'd be wise to not drink anything for at least an hour.

It's actually amazing, because if you do happen to be unfortunate enough to need to use the bathroom while he's in there, if you just knock on the door and politely explain your situation, suddenly, he's done. If you knock on the door, he can poop in 5 minutes.. but when left alone, he could be in there all afternoon.

Why in the world would anyone want to stay in there that long?

Maybe he just gets into the book, I don't know... But there's no crime in reading outside of the bathroom, Dad. Shit or get off the pot!

Aaron tends to take a long time in the bathroom as well. I've learned to take a quick potty break just before 3pm during the week because he's an "after-school-pooper." If he gets in there first, it's going to be a good 20 minutes until he's out of there, and then you have to wait for it to air out. He doesn't take a book to the bathroom... But I imagine he spends his length of time in there texting and smoking... and No, just so you know, the smell of a 16 year old boy's poop does not mask the smell of a cigarette... Nor does the smell of a cigarette mask the smell of a 16 year old boy's poop.

I just personally can't imagine why you'd want to spend so much time doing something so disgusting. My philosophy - get in and get out before anyone else figures out what you're doing!

And that's where the myth that "Girls don't poop" came from.

We do.

We just don't dilly dally when it comes to dropping a dollop.