King "Tootin'Comment"

Right now, there are two major things that you really do not want to do in the presence of my son.
Those two things, in no particular order, are swear and pass gas. Obviously, this is not something I learned from experience, because I never ever do either of those things..

Yeah, ok. I'm not a very good liar.

On the swearing....

Anyone that has been my passenger can tell you, I tend to get road rage.

You would think hearing my three year old ask "What *bleepity-bleep* car, Mommy?" as I'm yelling at the driver in front of me, would cure me of that road rage, but nope, it hasn't yet.

"Oh Kade, don't say that! Mommy is just mad at the car in front of us." I've told him a hundred times.

I don't worry as much about him repeating my expletives as much as I want him to know and understand that I'm not yelling at him. He obviously doesn't think I'm yelling at him, and is more worried about the expletives.
"Only Mommy say it?" He'll ask me.

Oh, the power of conviction in a child's voice....

And on the passing gas...

I really think I need to take the kid for a hearing test... Because somehow, he can't hear the word "no," when spoken directly to him, but he can certainly hear the faintest sound of a flatus vibrating between two butt cheeks on a different level of the house with multiple tv's on.

Being three and a boy, he thinks farts are funny, and I inevitably make a comment every time I hear him do it. Recently, we were watching TV and he passed gas while sitting in my lap. "I farted on Mommy!" He giggled. I wasn't quite as amused, but at least it was just gas and nothing serious.

Just a couple days ago, Steve was downstairs sleeping, and Aaron was out using up the last of the fuel fumes in the car.
I was sitting on the floor upstairs playing with cars with Kade. I'm going to blame the fact that I'm heavily pregnant, here, but yes, I leaked air when I leaned forward to grab a different car. I thought I was safe - like I said, the big boys were either sleeping or not home... But no... No gas passing eludes Kade.
"You farting?" Kaden asked me, surprised.
"Yep, Kade... but don't tell Steve!" I held my finger to my lips in a "shh" gesture.
"Okay" he whispered back to me, smiling.
That was my lesson learned.

Aaron, on the other hand, is not as private about flatulance. Last night he proudly echoed that telltale motorboat sound off of a wooden chair across the entire house. Luckily, the sound traveled farther than the smell.

Kade looked at Aaron, looked at me, and then ratted him out. Pointing at Aaron, he told me "That guy tooted!"
A proud smirk spread across Aaron's face, and all I could think was

....and we're having another boy....

My little boogie man

Fall is most certainly here full force, and the evidence of this is everywhere.

This afternoon I opened up the curtains to let in some sunshine, and immediately I noticed the window was full of those ugly, smelly, yellow lady bugs. Dried, crunched up leaves are being tracked through the house at a rate the vacuum can't keep up with. The center aisle at Wal-Mart has been turned into a big rack of chocolate chips, cupcake frosting, shortening and other baking goods, and there are scarecrows and pumpkins being displayed on front porches all over town. All of these things make it clear that Fall is here, but there is one more telltale sign that lets me know the weather is changing over.

I can't keep my three year old's finger out of his nose.

My poor little boy has a non-stop boogery nose through most of the cold weather months. It doesn't matter how many times I have him blow his nose (he's gotten quite good at it) or how often I stick a Q-tip up there (with a couple drops of little noses saline), I obviously never get it all cleared out for him, because he's constantly digging for gold. We'll blow his nose, he'll run and play for 5 minutes, and the next time I see him, he's got snot spread clear across his cheek, all over his shirt sleeve, and of course, underneath his fingernails.

The problem is not just that his nostrils are constantly plugged with his finger. He's picked up the nasty habit of eating it, too. I know, I know... what three year old doesn't pick their nose and eat it? But it's incredibly frustrating. And disgusting. And probably one of the reasons why his colds never go away.

The other day I caught him with his finger in his nose, and I quickly pulled his hand away from his face. "Don't pick your nose!" I told him for the umpteenth time. He looked at me, grinned, and stuck his snot-covered finger in his mouth.
"Kaden, that's gross!" I informed him.
"It's not gross, it's good!" He answered confidently.

I really wish someone could tell me that it does get better... but I'm quickly learning that, at least in boys, grossness increases with age. =/

coffee junkie

My mother has turned me into a coffee junkie.

When I wake up in the morning, she usually has a fresh pot made. Sometimes she'll bring me a cup doctored up just the way I like it (three splendas a dash of milk) before I'm even out of bed.

I'm addicted to McDonald's caramel iced coffee. Sometimes I go through the drive through just for the coffee.

At work, I make my own chocolate iced coffee with a cup of coffee, chocolate milk and ice. I've gotten some funny looks, but I've also gotten a couple of people to try it for themselves.

Yesterday, after picking Kade up from his dad's, we went to McDonald's for breakfast on the road before a long day of shopping.

I ordered my usual caramel iced coffee and Kaden got chocolate milk. Unfortunately, that little carton of chocolate just isn't enough. We were in an area with no gas station and Kaden wanted more to drink NOW. So I decided what the hell... I took his empty sippy cup and poured half of my iced coffee into it. I handed him his cup and in the middle of a big gulp I asked him "Is it good?"
When he finally pulled the cup away from his mouth he looked at me and said "I LIKE IT!" And put the cup back to his mouth.

Seems I'm turning my own son into a coffee junkie a little early. lol

Lipstick Hooligan

Kaden is pretty good about playing by himself when he needs to. He plays with cars, blocks, "folds" clothes, or will even sit and watch a movie for a bit. He's a good kid.

I usually don't think much of it when he's quiet.

I sat here at my computer this afternoon after lunch trying to make changes to my MySpace layout. As it turns out, the profile editor is down, and if you've got any code in the editor your profile is unchangeable until it comes back up, so my efforts were fruitless. Such is life....

Kaden was in his room playing as I typed in code after code and cursed MySpace repeatedly. He was quiet.

And then I knew something was up.

Giggling.

Oh, Lord, here we go. I walked into his room to see what he was giggling over. Imagine the look on my face when I see $9 liquid lipstick in my son's hands.

On my son's hands.
On my son's face.
On my son's neck.
On my son's stomach.

And it won't come off.

I hop online to google how to get lipstick off of a toddler. Baby oil? makeup remover? Let it wear off... Oh God, his dad will love this.

I have to admit, I am a pretty big fan of Maxfactor makeup. They have bold colors you won't find in the "Covergirl" section, and the product is good. Their cream eyeliner is amazing - I put the stuff on and was still wearing it, unsmudged, 2 days later.

This liquid lipstick catastrophe is hard evidence that I didn't need.
Their website boasts specificially about the product my son put to the test: "Endless possibilities for attention-getting, dimensional color that lasts up to 10 hours. In your favorite fashion-forward shades."

I have no idea how I'm going to get it off of him. I may very well just have to let it wear off. Not sure how his dad is going to react to his little boy wearing lipsick. I'll just have to remind him - You can put lipstick on a boy - but he's still a boy.

Peanut Butter Kisses

To most people, "peanut butter kisses" are those peanut butter flavored taffy-like candies that come in orange or black wrappers that you see in stores around Halloween time. But anyone with a toddler in their life will tell you that those chewy candies are nothing compared to the peanut butter kisses this blog is named for.

It never fails that my two year old seems to have his most affectionate moments when he's covered with food. I've had chocolate tickle-fests, spaghetti-o grins, and apple juice hugs... but my favorites are peanut butter kisses.

I can see (and smell) them coming from across the house. Sitting in my computer chair, I hear little feet dancing across the kitchen floor. I smell the peanut butter (good, he's actually eating the snack I gave him) and here it comes...

"MOMMY!"

He crashes into me with crummy fingers and his mouth nearly super glued shut with peanut butter. He climbs up into my lap and puckers his little lips.

"No, don't kiss me!" I tease him, jerking my head back.
He laughs, and makes another attempt.
"No!" Again, I dodge the messy face coming towards me.
"Mommy!" He grabs my face this time, and there is no escape.

"Muah!"

He plants an over dramatized peanut butter kiss right on my lips.
"Oh, thank you!" I tell him, laughing as I wipe the peanut butter and cracker crumbs off my face. He lay his head on my chest for a brief moment and I hugged him tight.
"I love you buddy," I reminded him.
"Love you" he said, as best as he could with peanut butter still on the roof of his mouth.

Before he was born, I used to cringe at the thought of messy faces and sticky fingers.. But now, I can't imagine my life without them.