King "Tootin'Comment"

Right now, there are two major things that you really do not want to do in the presence of my son.
Those two things, in no particular order, are swear and pass gas. Obviously, this is not something I learned from experience, because I never ever do either of those things..

Yeah, ok. I'm not a very good liar.

On the swearing....

Anyone that has been my passenger can tell you, I tend to get road rage.

You would think hearing my three year old ask "What *bleepity-bleep* car, Mommy?" as I'm yelling at the driver in front of me, would cure me of that road rage, but nope, it hasn't yet.

"Oh Kade, don't say that! Mommy is just mad at the car in front of us." I've told him a hundred times.

I don't worry as much about him repeating my expletives as much as I want him to know and understand that I'm not yelling at him. He obviously doesn't think I'm yelling at him, and is more worried about the expletives.
"Only Mommy say it?" He'll ask me.

Oh, the power of conviction in a child's voice....

And on the passing gas...

I really think I need to take the kid for a hearing test... Because somehow, he can't hear the word "no," when spoken directly to him, but he can certainly hear the faintest sound of a flatus vibrating between two butt cheeks on a different level of the house with multiple tv's on.

Being three and a boy, he thinks farts are funny, and I inevitably make a comment every time I hear him do it. Recently, we were watching TV and he passed gas while sitting in my lap. "I farted on Mommy!" He giggled. I wasn't quite as amused, but at least it was just gas and nothing serious.

Just a couple days ago, Steve was downstairs sleeping, and Aaron was out using up the last of the fuel fumes in the car.
I was sitting on the floor upstairs playing with cars with Kade. I'm going to blame the fact that I'm heavily pregnant, here, but yes, I leaked air when I leaned forward to grab a different car. I thought I was safe - like I said, the big boys were either sleeping or not home... But no... No gas passing eludes Kade.
"You farting?" Kaden asked me, surprised.
"Yep, Kade... but don't tell Steve!" I held my finger to my lips in a "shh" gesture.
"Okay" he whispered back to me, smiling.
That was my lesson learned.

Aaron, on the other hand, is not as private about flatulance. Last night he proudly echoed that telltale motorboat sound off of a wooden chair across the entire house. Luckily, the sound traveled farther than the smell.

Kade looked at Aaron, looked at me, and then ratted him out. Pointing at Aaron, he told me "That guy tooted!"
A proud smirk spread across Aaron's face, and all I could think was

....and we're having another boy....